Happy 30th Birthday, Dan

Yes indeed our little Dan is turning 30 today. We have decided to put together a few tails from Dan's childhood for you to enjoy. So, enjoy.

SCARRED FOR LIFE

Today we celebrate the 30th year on earth of one of our own. Our beloved Daniel Steven “something”witz (he wishes to keep his last name of+f this blog, and can you blame him?). It was a warm summers morn in Toronto Canada in 1977 when Wendy & Harry welcomed there first child into this world, unfortunately for them he would lead to years of heartache and pain.

Well not really, Daniel has been a fine son, a good citizen, and a great friend. My friends and I decided to get together and all tell some tale from Dan’s childhood, and the funnier the anecdote the better.

Mine comes from one of the more memorable, yet crappier days of Dan’s life. Every Sunday afternoon the DeBlasio House (on Sherman Avenue, hence the name of the blog) played host to NFL football. All friends were welcome at anytime, there were no real invitations.

During the year 1992 you could always count on a few guests being there; Nick Lisa, Andrew “the King” Zoltan, Josh and Dan. The date was October 11 and it started as any normal Sunday. The Giants were playing the 1 pm game against the Phoenix Cardinals and the Jets were matched up in an epic showdown with the Indianapolis Colts (always a guaranteed awful game). Ron DeBlasio would start early in the morning making his special homemade sauce, but for some reason this particular Sunday he decided to make a roast pork loin. When Ron made his sauce we always ate at halftime of the first game, but this days special meal would take longer to cook, and we decided to eat at halftime of the Jets game. Dan this particular day was excited for dinner, because his home was kept kosher by his mother so pork was not served.

At halftime of the Giants vs. Cardinals game Josh, Dan and I decided to go play a little Sherman avenue street football. As Dan ran one of his famed down and out routes Josh’s throw floated high. Dan with his mad hops leaped to catch the ball, as he did I tagged him with two hands and throwing him off balance. Dan landed awkwardly and his arm slammed into the curb. Needless to say, Dan was seriously injured. He was a pale person to begin with but when my mother came outside and tried to sit him up he turned as white as white can be, it was hilarious.

Anyway, we had to go to the soccer field to get Dan’s mother to take him to the hospital. Unfortunately Dan had to sit in the emergency room dreaming of the pork he would not get to eat and having to watch the Jets lose to the Colts in a 6-3 overtime thriller. It turns out that he had chipped a bone in his arm, which had lodged in his elbow and had to be surgically removed. He had the biggest cast I have ever seen on his arm for 6 long weeks.

The final part to the story is that the surgery required a nasty scar on Dan’s elbow, which he attributes to me. No matter how much he wants to forget me, he can’t, I have truly scarred him for life.

WHEN THE TRUTH BECOMES LEGEND, PRINT THE LEGEND

It was now late fall 1992, a few weeks after Dan kept his feet in bounds but dragged his elbow on the curb and he was adjusting to the rigors of life with a cast. A bunch of us decided to join the Junior Statesmen of America club. We did this, not because we were future Alex P. Keatons, but in Zack Morris fashion, for the free trip to Philly. While the conference was mostly uneventful, save Admiral Stockdale's "who am I, why am I here?" speech/dementia outburst. The real excitement came on the bus ride.

We knew going in that we would be sharing the bus with a group of students from Millburn. I'm pretty sure that while none of us could point Millburn out on a map, we knew that the Millburn kids were rich and that lead to the potential for hot rich girls on the bus. We needed a plan. We all decided that the truth about Dan breaking his elbow was simply not heroic enough to woo women and we needed a legend. We put our heads together and came up with the following:

It was late in the second half, no wait, it was overtime in a tied soccer game to determine whether we make it to the state tournament. Dan gets sprung on a break away and now its him and the goalkeeper one on one. Dan dekes. The keeper, now beaten, does only what he can do and takes out Dan's legs. Sending Dan hurtling towards the goal as the ball inches toward the goal line. Dan slams, elbow first into the goal post, breaking the bone as the ball slides over the line to win the game. He is taken to the hospital and has surgery immediately to clean up the joint and is in a cast now for 6 weeks. Then the hook, while his goal was the most dramatic in Teaneck history, Dan was now unable to play in the state tournament, though he begged the doctors to play.

Dan practices the story, and we get on the bus. We spread out and intersperse with the Millburn girls, mostly towards the rear. We then wait patiently for the question, "What happened to your arm?" It finally comes about 30 minutes into the ride. Dan took a deep breath, we all turned to stare, hoping to be the anti Jimmy Fallons and make it through. Dan delivered, really delivered, he sold the whole thing to the point I started to believe it. We all kept it together, embellishing when we could. Dan even got an "oooh" from the crowd when he hit the post and snapped his arm. He had them wrapped around his finger.

I'm fairly certain none of us closed the deal that weekend, however, we saw a glimpse into Dan's future as a performer. Now, whenever I hear the famous line from Liberty Valance, I always think of Dan.

THE GREAT CAPER

I don't remember the exact facts behind the two-day excursion I plan to lay out before you. Whether it was the last days of seventh or eighth grade at Thomas Jefferson Middle School are beyond me, to be blamed on either advancing age or years lost in a cloud of smoke.
Nevertheless, the primary faces still stick out like a well-stuffed...

OK, so it was someones brain child to skip the final days of school and use New Jersey Transit to hit up Garden State Plaza. I remember starting at Jared's house with Juvens and our man Dan that first day and what a memorable one it was.

The mall is like any mall, except completely empty of teenagers in the middle of a school day. Well, we wandered around and wasted time until we hit the food court.
It was there that we met someone doing a documentary on mall culture and decided to interview the four youths.

How it was planned to meet them by The Complete Athlete on the other side of the mall is unknown, but I remember walking in and having all employee's eyes shoot in our direction, then focus on the cameraman and reporter when they walked in and talked with us.
By us, I mean Jared and myself and while we kept them occupied by the front of the store, the two skinny guys were in the back piling T-Shirts and other goodies into bags.
I didn't find out I served as perfect cover until later, and it wasn't until later that plans for the return trip was formulated.

Who was at the mall the next day, I can't say. Where we started our 'mall heist' is unclear to me as well, but I know I had other items unpaid for in my bag when we entered CVS and to our delight, noticed no cameras on the walls.

This was an open invitation and Dan, ever the frugal and intelligent thief, stood by the battery racks and dropped countless in before the gig was up and staff FROM BEHIND THE DOUBLE MIRRORS yanked him up and poured salt on our little game.

I recall being asked to the back and noticing Dan in the corner as they checked my bag with me saying,
"Nothing from your store. Nothing from your store."

I have many happy memories of times spent with Dan, from computer games to football routes to hidden belt devices, but that experience stands out as a signature moment in my 30 years and I hope it at least brings a smile as you celebrate your 30 years.
!Malzaltov!