1) Is there anyone in the National League that actually wants to make the playoffs? It doesn’t seem like it. Maybe they have a point – neither the Mets nor the Cubs nor the Brewers nor the Diamondbacks nor the Rockies nor the Padres nor the Phillies look capable of beating Boston, New York, Cleveland, or Los Angeles/Anaheim. Might as well not make it instead of embarrassing yourself in front of the nation, I suppose. And you can’t have your hopes crushed if you never had hope in the first place. So maybe Mets and Cubs fans should be grateful that their teams are falling apart worse than a sandcastle built by FEMA.
2) Does anyone know how many games Tom Brady has missed since he became the starter back in 2002? None. For all the talk of geniuses and model franchises and blah blah blah, it sure does help when your best guy playing the most irreplaceable position is never injured, huh? And is that not more than a touch of luck? Let me put it this way – I doubt anyone looks like a genius if Matt Cassel is your starting QB.
3) It is generally disgusting to me that Boston sports is about to have a phenomenal year. The Red Sox win the AL East. The Patriots look like the best team since the Cowboys of the early 90s. The Celtics get KG and Ray Allen. Giving these people, these insufferably arrogant people who whine and cry all the time and talk smack constantly, who lose horribly and win even worse, to give them all this success? Ugh. It’s exactly how I felt after Bush won his second term.
4) Yes, I’m a Knicks fan. Yes, I’m following the Isiah trial. No, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’ve got other things to be depressed about, thanks.
5) I know no one cares about anyone else’s fantasy team. But in the Sherman Avenue Block Party league we have going on ESPN, my two starting RBs were Steven Jackson and Deuce McCallister, my QB was Drew Brees, and one of my WRs was Andre Johnson. I’m now left with Brian Leonard, Jerious Norwood, Braylon Edwards, and Chad Pennington. Interns in the back of Stephon Marbury’s truck aren’t fucked more than this team. If I win any more games with this team, I should be arrested for fraud.
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6 comments:
Ooh, great post. You're like a cranky Bill Simmons.
I'm going to take that as a compliment. So, thanks!
If "great" was meant sarcastically, then, still, thanks!
And this winter, as the Jets struggle and the Knicks still stink and Chicago gets cold, I plan to get even more cranky.
Try living in Boston when you're a Yankees/Bills/Knicks fan. It's even worse, although not as bad as Bush's second victory. It's not as bad as Bush's first victory either, but it's still pretty bad. If William & Mary loses their Homecoming game to UMass my life up here as a sports fan will become insufferable.
FEMA doesn't build stuff, the Army Corps of Engineers does. FEMA cleans stuff up.
Your fantasy team is well-coached, if nothing else. Not only did Mike Tomlin graduate from W&M in 1994 (so he's really smart), he scored 20 TD in his career, which was the record when I graduated in 1996 (so he's good at football). Furthermore, he was always a defensive coach in the NFL, depsite playing WR in college (so he's really good at coaching football).
I know that about the Army Corps of Engineers. But that joke doesn't read as well with Army Corps of Engineers in there.
Plus, FEMA built those trailers and "cottages" so they do build something
being a bills fan anywhere sucks
Yeah Fil, I meant all five were witty and funny.
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