Final NFL Previews & Awards

I have been charged with rounding up the final two divisions as well as summing up the playoff picture for our NFL and handing out awards. As they say…..HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE GO


AFC SOUTH

Well the one thing good about doing no research for my divisions is I have the easiest two in all of football.

The Indianapolis Colts are clearly the class of this division, and in case anyone wasn’t still sure of that, the complete ass raping of the New Orleans Saints should have reaffirmed that notion. The Colts offense is just so methodical and solid; Joseph Addai is the real deal and Peyton’s weapons are unlimited. The defense makes the plays it needs to, yes some times they can give up a lot for rushing yards, but any defense that has bob Sanders and Dwight Freeney is good enough for me.

Well the secret is now out of the closet if you have seen any of my fantasy teams, I have the hugest man crush on Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub. I truly think he has big time talent, like Top5 QB’s in the league. In about 2 years Falcons fans are going to start hurling themselves off the CNN Center thinking that this guy was sitting behind that clown Michael Vick. Coach Gary Kubiak knows how to coach a ground game, with an improving offensive line a stud wideout in Andre Johnson and now a big time QB I think the Texans can make that jump. Their defense is solid and I think Mario Williams will develop into an elite pass rusher especially with the additions they made this off-season.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are like the Blue Jays of football. Every year a bunch of different analysts say watch out for the Jags this year and nothing ever happens. Hwo can you have one guy as your starter all through training camp and then magically decide a week before the season to cut him and go with his back-up? I love Jack Del Rio and still think he is the toughest guy in the field most days he coach’s but seems to me like this team can’t really compete with the big boys.

Everybody loves the Tennessee Titans and the great Vince Young, well everyone except me. Yeah it was cool to watch him run all over the place and surprise people and win games, but those days are over. Teams will be well prepared for his scrambling, believe me some video schmuck had to sit in a room and breakdown every single time Young dropped back to pass and scrambled instead, and coach’s then poured over that film. When they stuff his scrambling he will have to throw the ball, and this I have learned QB’s who complete only 50% of their passes and throw more INT’s than TD’s usually lose.


AFC WEST

This division is about as easy to predict as the South. Oakland stinks, Kansas City is okay, Denver is young and improving, and the Chargers are awesome, but they have Norvulous Turner as their head coach.

Mike Shannahan and the Denver Broncos are a team on the rise. They have very good young QB, a running back who averaged 4.5 yards per carry last year (and yearly the most potent rushing attack in the game regardless of the back), a fully healthy and 100% Javon Walker and newly singed Brandon Stokley on the other side. Couple that with a savvy coach and veteran offensive line and you will see good production. Defensively their secondary is sick and they are led by MLB DJ Williams the least talked about good young player in this league. I like the Broncos to possibly win 11-12 games this season.

Everyone knows the San Diego Chargers are just oozing with talent, but NORV FUCKING TURNER is their head coach. HELLO??? IS ANYONE HOME????? I don’t care what team you are or how good people think you are but when you lose your head coach and both coordinators the chances of your team being as good the next season are pretty slim. And those chance decrease when you replace your head coach with NORV FUCKING TURNER!!!!!!! Bonus question; for $100 name one receiver on the Chargers off the top of your head?

You play to win the games, ain’t that right Herm Edwards? Well your Kansas City Chiefs are going to play to hopefully be close enough to maybe have a chance to win some games. They have the vaunted QB tandem of Brody Croyle and Damon Huard, which is equivelant to having a starting rotation of Andy Hawkins and Dave LaPoint (oh shit, the Yanks actually had that one season).


The Oakland Raiders, yes they have a team.





PLAYOFFS AND AWARDS

After muddling throught my colegues analysis and seeing my own terrible picks, I think I have a clear understanding of our playoff picture,

“AND IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS”

“HIT IT”

NFC Division winners are Eagles, Rams, Saints, Bears and I will say the wild cards go to the Lions and the 49ers

Eagles over the Lions
49ers upset the Bears

Eagles over the Rams
Saints over the 49ers

In a shocker I will take the Eagles to stun the Aints and McNabb maybe finally gets some credit, until the Super Bowl of course.

AFC Division winners are Ravens, Patriots, Colts and Broncos and Wild Cards are the Chargers and Texans.

Broncos over the Texans (teacher/pupil match-up)
Chargers stunt he Ravens

Pats and Colts win and have a showdown once again, this time Brady emerges victorious, bans out a few super models during the halftime special and wins the MVP

Your SuperBowl match-up is a repeat and the Pats win again.


Offensive Rookie: Marshawn Lynch, RB Buffalo Bills
Defensive Rookie: Patrick Willis, LB San Francisco 49ers
Offensive Player of the Year: Stephen Jackson, RB St. Louis Rams
Defensive Player of the Year: Ed Weed, S Baltimore Ravens (yes it says Weed and not Reed on purpose, he went to The U)
MVP: Andrew Zoltans favorite son (not JP Losman) Peyton W. Manning