Saturday Nights Alright

Okay people you may need to have some thick skin to read this one, as usual I never apologize for anything I say on this site mainly becuase I take my time to write these things and they are well thought out. That being said there may be some tongue in cheek racism and maybe just some things that sound racist to some, but alas I don't care.


Here is the scene for the day, the University of South Carolina was taking on South Carolina State University for the first time ever in football. Of course this was an historic event especially int he racially divided south where the flagship university would take on an historically black college, something that obviosuly wouldn't have happened in the first 75 or so years of this century. The whole day it was the rednecks and the blacks, an interesting combination. Now while there was no acts of violence there is always tension in the air with an event of this magnitude.


One of South Carolina's favorite sons, and budding NBA journeyman, Renaldo Balkman was back in town doing some PR for an upcoming pre-season NBA game in Columbia. Of course Rey decided to throw himself a party, what else do you do if you are a popular millionaire (hell Wale does this for himself and he isn't a millionaire), and I was on the "guest list." Rey begged me over and over, he wanted me to come to the party have a good time and share some fine adult beverages with him, and as he described it, "they gonna be ho's everywhere!"


Now being a native of Teaneck New Jersey and having witnessed my fair share of days on the Elizabeth Avenue Bridge, THS basketball games, Prom showcases and even a good old fashioned Al Sharpton protest riot I new what this party was going to look like. Being my smart self I decide to ask my friend Whitney if she wants to come with me to the party and she agreed, yes much to my shock too. Now lets make sure we are all well aware of what Whitney is like; she is about 5'4 120lbs from some fairly rural area of South Carolina where she goes home some weekends to ride horses, he favorite TV show is Greys Anatomy and favorite movies include Pride and Prejudice and Sweet Home Alabama. Needless to say the only things her and someone like Renalo Balkman have in common is the both know me. I explain to Whitney what the party is going to be like and she still agrees to go, but I gave her fare warning.


We pull up to the building where the party is and the cars and chains and loud music and flat brimmed multi-colored baseball caps were plentiful. I believe as I pulled up in my car I had Toad the Wet Sprocket playing on the CD, not like I didn't stick out enough driving my lame ass Saturn and bringing in a little white girl. We get out to many stares and walked toward the door, where we encountered a crowd of about 250-300 people all standing around in a mass form, not any sort of line. Of course if you are not used to black people and there penchant for just hanging out leaning on cars and observing this would come as odd to, as it did to Whitney. She aksed me at one point, are all these people invited and trying to get in? I told her most likely not, they just want to be around and check things out.


I make my way toward the door and find the only other white person within 2 miles, one of the security guards. I ask him what is the deal with the guest list, I am supposed to be on it so that I can get into the party. He knows nothing about a list, he is just there for crowd and line control. Another bouncer then tells me that to get in I need to be on this line against the wall and that my feamle friend needs to be on the other side of the door on the female line. This is for two reasons, one they are letting females in handfuls and they are being patted down by a female security guard, while they are only letting males in who pay or who are on the list. I explain to this security guard I am not sending little white Whitney to the end of the hoochie mama line. He agrees with me and says she can wait with me.


We are standing on the fringe of the line kind of in the mass of people who arent doing anything but loitering, if this were outside a 7-11 we would be screwed. Now we have been outside for about 35-45 minutes and the crowd and security personnell are growing more restless by the second. After the guards outside keep instructing everyone to get on line or leave they go inside to get more security. As Gorilla Monsoon used to say, "business is about to pick up." What appeared to be the head security guard came out with an angry look on his face and announced sternly that he was "going to count to 3 and then start spraying."


Well his count was very quick, not like in a Rocky fight. He then did let of a few spurts of pepper spray, of which Whitney and I were about 30 feet away from. We started laughing at everyone coughing and covering their faces, but then as we headed back toward the car, other guards were out int hat direction spraying the hideous gas. So we walkde right into a wall of it and began our own coughing fit. Let me tell you what a direct hit from this shit must hurt like a son of a bitch. My lungs began to burn and then there was a tingling sensation as I started coughing uncontrollably. My eyes were watering as well as the coughing trailed off as we got int he car and inhaled some good air.


Needless to say we left that area and decided not to return. Never have been inside the actual party I can't really tell you how it was, but the parking lot I assume was much the same as the party, excpet there was alcohol inside. So at this point I decided I had showed Whitney one heck of a time; took her to a party witha whole bunch of black people to make her nice and scared, never actually got her into the party, and then got her pepper sprayed. All in all it was a terribly successful evening. Getting pepper sprayed was all I expected and I can't wait for the next time.