Stuff, and what I think about it

A lot of things have happened over the past few weeks in sports which my collegues have covered so well. I am glad I didn’t weigh in on the NBA Finals, because boy the Celtics would have made me look fucking stupid. But that is over and done with, so for further amusement read what’s below:


MY ATHLETIC PROWESS
Here in the South Carolina athletic department at the end of our “year” we like to do something fun usually involving some kind of mediocre athletic competition. A few years ago we had a bowling tournament, which of course my team emerged victorious. This year we had a little field day and then a kickball game for those interested. Having starred many an afternoon at both the Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Nathaniel Hawthorne Grammar Schools I decided to throw my name in the hat. Of course I was an early round selection when it came to shit talking about who would win the game. The day of the big game it was time to put up or shut up. My first at bat I popped up routinely to center field, but I knew I could getter better wood on the ball. Well in the last inning with my team up 3-1 I strolled to the plate (for some reason two guys in the department picked music for everyone when they were batting and mine was “Hanging Tough” by NKOTB). Scanning the field I picked my spot, I was going to right center if I got a good pitch. By the way the person on the mound was one of the most accomplished athletes of all time in her sport, none other than 3 time Olympic Gold Medalist Dawn Staley, whose list of accomplishments are too numerous for this blog. I got my pitch and ripped away, at first I saw another routine pop up but the ball was carrying so I need to turn on the afterburners. When the dust cleared I was on third base with a stand up triple. As the PA Announcer said I took a Homerun and stretched it into a triple. Soon after I was knocked in giving my team a 4-1 one lead and we went on to win the game by that score. I was voted Co-MVP of the game and I rocked a triple off of one of the best female athletes in the last 20 years, so basically I am great


A BRUSH WITH BEAUTY
As I think I have mentioned Columbia South Carolina has now become a hotbed of b-list movie productions. Last year we had the Kevin Bacon thriller Death Sentence filmed here. More recently we have a terrible comedy being filmed in Columbia called Nailed (look it up on IMDB, it looks awful). The two major stars of this piece of trash are Jessica Beil and Jake Gyllenhal, it co stars Tracy Morgan as well. Of course in a town like Columbia these are huge stars, and Beil has been spotted all over the place; and on a few occasions with boyfriend Justin Timberlake. Gyllenhal spends most of his time at the USC Wellness center working out and playing pick-up basketball. One night I saw Morgan walking by a Mexican restaraunt where I was dining. But just the other night my friend and I were at a bar. There was a big table of people, who clearly looked out of place in Columbia when two ladys showed up and seemed to cause a scuttlebutt. For some reason I kept staring at the one girl, who couldn’t have been more than five feet away from me, and I kept looking at her face thinking “Damn, she is gorgeous.” I then realize that it was indeed Ms. Beil enjoying some drinks with people who presumably work on the movie set; they were all very “artsy” type. Listen there are a lot of very attractive women here in the south but when you see someone like that she is on a different level and you realize that is why people like that are in movies and on TV. She was dressed very down and didn’t have real makeup on or anything and she was strikingly more beautiful than anyone around.


COOPERSTOWN
Curt Schilling’s career appears to be over, and I for one couldn’t be happier. Really, career ending shoulder surgery couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, hopefully the doctors botch the surgery and his testicles don’t work anymore. All that aside the debate now begins about Schilling’s Hall of Fame credentials. I guess maybe this is a biased opinion, since I hate the guy, but I don’t see him as a Hall of Famer. Now I don’t see Jim Bunning as one either, but he is already in the Hall. Was there a period where Schilling was undoubtedly one of the handful of best pitchers in the game, and that answer is no. He had a few dominating seasons here and there. He had 16 seasons as a full time starting pitcher and for one reason or another in 7 of those seasons he won 11 or less games, that stinks when you look at it objectively. Only 4 times did he finish in the top ten of the Cy Young balloting and he has a total of 216 wins over 20 years, that is not good either. What he does have going for him is his postseason accomplishments which were outstanding, but at the end of the day people have to be judged on their entire body of work. And his body speaks for itself, he is a borderline Hall of Fame pitcher, who in the time we live in now will unfortunately get in because we like to be nice to everyone, except Jim Rice, Jack Morris and Bert Blyleven.


FEAR DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS DOJO
This weekend I spent a lot of time sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Luckily VH1 provided me with an opportunity to watch Karate Kid both Friday and Saturday. While sitting around watching Daniel-son get his ass beat for the better part of two hours I realized that this may be on of the top ten movies of all time. Seriously, what isn’t to love about the Karate Kid? You have a Mr. Miyagi, played by the late great Pat Morita who was nominated for and Academy Award for best supporting actor for the role. It has the great 80’s villain William Zabka (that is the blonde guy). The sensai from the Cobra Kai’s is the meanest SOB alive and I believe that he might actually eat children (no offense Iron Mike). And then there are Elisabeth Shue’s magnificent breasts. All in all it has everything one would want in a picture; classic lines, classic scenes, great villains and great breasts.



I NEVER FUCKED A 10, BUT ONE NIGHT I FUCKED FIVE 2’S
The legendary George Carlin died yesterday at the age of 71. Now from time to time I have been known to give a great obituary on this blog, but I couldn’t even think of where to begin with Carlin. He was a giant in the world of comedy and counter culture. He brought new light into a dark world and pointed out the hypocrisies we live with everyday. His routines will live on for every comedian to study on how to be a thinking mans comic. He was more than a comedian, that definition is too narrow for him. He was cultural observationalist, a satirical commentater, and a social realist. And now the world will never hear his voice again. Luckily for me, I own all three of his best selling books and had the absolute pleasure of seeing him twice in person.

GEORGE DENNIS CARLIN 1937-2008