Favre, Phelps and Europe (and Lola)

I was going to do separate posts on each of these issues, but I am an important guy with lots of things to do so I will just combine them all into one post.



FAVRE
Listen, we all know I am huge Favre fan, but nobody wanted any of this any less than me. This whole comeback shit was just plain sickening. But at the end of the day I don’t really care. If he really wants to go slop around with the Jets for a year or two, fine that’s his choice as a grown up American.

I hate people who say it will somehow “ruin his legacy.” That is just self important sports fans who like to sound intellectual. It won’t ruin shit, because when I have kids and they ask me about Brett Favre I will talk about all the wins and good times in Green Bay. Does anyone even really remember Michael Jordan playing for the Wizards, I mean the fucking Wizards for crying out loud. Does anyone even remember Magic Johnsons failed comeback attempt?

The one thing I love about the comeback is that he went to the Jets, the most neurotic fan base in all of sports. Had he went to the Vikings they would have done back flips and proclaimed it Brett Favre month in the Twin Cities. They would have held parades and fairs. Even after the season was over and the Vikings won 6 games with Favre they still would have remembered the time fondly, a risk worth taking they would have thought. Not Jets fans, they are practical beside themselves (see Dan’s posts below). Nothing is more amusing to me in all of sports that watching and listening to the wretching of Jets fans during the season. As a great man once said, the Jets can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory better than anyone.


PHELPS
First let’s address the Olympics as a whole. Here is the typical American sports fans view on the Olympics:

About 3 months before the Olympics you see a McDonald’s commercial for the Olympics and you turn to your friend and say, “Oh fuck, the damned Olympics are on. What a crock of shit those things are, I hate the fucking Olympics, no way I am watching any of that shit.”

About 3 weeks before the Olympics there is a report on Sports Center and you turn to your friend and say, “Awww, I hate the fucking Olympics, but I would mind watching Misty May and Kerri Walsh roll around with each other in the sand. Plus I guess that Phelps guy is fun to watch and I want our Negro basketball players dunk on lots of greasy foreigners.”

Then the next thing you know you are in a hotel room in Bratislava, Slovakia watching men’s synchronized diving in German and yelling at the TV about how the Chinese team could have possibly scored a 9.5 on that dive.

Regardless of what your view on the Olympics is you have to marvel at what Phelps was able to do. Though swimming is a fringe or niche sport it doesn’t lessen the accomplishment, just like what Lance Armstrong did in the Tour De France. Phelps set 7 world records, breaking many of his own, and did this all over a span on 9 days. The physical demands of swimming make this and almost impossible feat. To have the ability to compete in such a variety of events and be the worlds best is truly spectacular.

And the race that he won by 1/100th of a second was truly special. Having been a competitive swimmer in my younger days the scenario he and Milorad Cavic found himself in is a nightmare every swimmer has. When you get about 10-12 meters out you know how many strokes it will take to complete the race and you can calculate when you are going to come up short and have to decided to stretch it out (Cavic) or take that awkward half stroke (Phelps). And here is the big kicker, whichever you decided to do has very little determination on whether you win or not. If they both chose to do the same thing another 9 times they likely would have split those decisions. The race was so close, NBC showed Phelps mother and coach’s reaction and they both thought he was touched out for 1st place.

I watched the race from a random bar in Columbia last night, and I have never heard a sustained cheer and then standing ovation for a non city specific sporting event. As the race was about to start the singer playing acoustic guitar continued to play and not a single person was paying attention, as they showed the team the crowd cheer. The ooed and ahhhed a little as Aaron Peirsol swam a slow 50 and then grunted a little as Brendan Hansen struggled in his breaststroke leg, but literally people came out of there seats as Phelps sprinted ahead and gave way to one of the most underrated closers in swimming Jason Lezak who finished off the race in style. The entire last 200 meters the crowd on their feet cheering as if the Gamecocks just scored the winning touchdown in the SEC Championship game.


EUROPE
Greasy foreigners, finally I can say it and have some fucking proof. I spent 8 days in Eastern Europe last week and while we had a blast these people truly despise bathing. Here is a list of some other things they dislike; underpants, especially the women, they hate undergarments of any kind, garbage cans in hotel lobby’s and other random public places it is impossible to find a trash can, leash’s for dogs, they just let these little fuckers roam anywhere, alarm clocks, in the three hotels we were in not one came with an alarm clock, the same can be said for air conditioning, and did I mention bathing?

Here are some things the love; natural breasts, what a refreshing change, 80’s music in every club and bar which was cool, speaking English (at least most people) which makes it easier on asshole Americans like me to travel, beer and lots of it, these people love to party and hate going to work, and American tourists in general, mainly because we have money and love spending it on shit.

We spent a few days in Prague to start our trip off. Prague is a great old world European city obviously overflowing with history. The drawback is that it is a huge tourist attraction and even though strolling through the old town square at night is beautiful it is a little bit of a cross between Main Street in Disney and Times Square. Clearly they try and placate to the American tourist as I mentioned above. While in Prague we had dinner at an old Monastery, visited the Old New Synagogue which dates back to the 9th century in the old Jewish section of town which also had several other temples, and famous Prague Castle the seat of the Habsburg Dynasty and the famed St. Vitus Cathedral. We also took a day trip to Terezin which was an old castle turned into a war prison which was used as concentration camp during World War II. It also housed Gavrilo Princip and the other 5 members of the Black Hand group of Bosnians who assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand which prompted the start of World War I. We actually got a chance to walk into his isolation cell where he was housed for the reaming years of his life (go to this link and you can see some amazing videos of our time at Terezin, it is truly worth it to see these, http://gamecocksonline.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/080808aaa.html).

After our time in Prague we then headed to the capital of Slovakia, Bratislava. Much smaller and cheaper than Prague, Bratislava is a quaint little city along the Danube River and Slovak/Austrian border. It has a beautiful town square which we stayed right in the heart of and has some really cool sights to see. Among those sites is St. Marten Cathedral, where 11 kings of the Habsburg Dynasty were crowned, and the Hrav Castle which sits majestically atop a hill overlooking the river. Also the town square (Hviezdoslav Square) was the sight of on e of the first major events that lead to the fall of communism in the Eastern Bloc. In March of 1988 thousands of students and other Slovaks held a candlelight vigil protesting the communist regime, they were repelled and beaten back by the secret police, all while the countries prime minister and other leaders watched from the famed Carlton Hotel in the square. We were lucky enough to also stay in the Carlton Hotel over looking the square, there was definitely an eerie feeling about that.

We then traveled down the Danube (not literally, but figuratively) to the capital of Austria and one of the most famed cities in all of Europe, Vienna. This is a marvelously beautiful city, and so rich in history and tradition. Unfortunately for Vienna the modern world has gotten hold of the city. On one side of the river they built this whole new modern part called Danube City full of these ugly ass post modern buildings that look like they belong in Tokyo or Dubai. It makes a beautiful city fucking hideous. However, if you want you can easily stay on the good side of the Danube and go tour the old city and see Hofburg Palace, St. Stephens Cathedral, the famed Vienna Opera House where Mozart and Strauss operas have been repeatedly performed, among others. You can also spend an evening at the Prater and amusement park just outside the old town square which contains a giant 200 foot Ferris wheel which overlooks the city (and I did not go on because that shit was fucking high). We unfortunately did not have a lot of time in Vienna, we only saw a very small portion of what there is to do there.

All things considered it was a good trip, well except for the plane rides. Listen, there is no way to sugar coat it, 9-11 hours on a plane fucking blows. I don’t care how many movies they show or how many books you have to read, it is still miserable. And no international incidents were caused by anyone in our travel party, and I didn’t take down any historical monuments (ala Clark W. Griswold).

Lastly, while on my trip to Europe I officially became a Godfather. Our good friend Josh and his wife Jennifer gave birth to a bouncing baby girl named Lola Joy Reinitz. And who else to choose as a god father than a fat Italian guy right? Everyone is healthy and fine and the big plus is the baby’s initials are LJ which means a bevy of Larry Johnson throwback jersey’s for the youngster, and no I don’t care that she is a girl she is still getting LJ gear!!!