Every year I sit down and do some serious research and try to give the readers a nice in depth look at the NFL season, and every year I am way off base. So this year I am going to make 10 predictions sure to come true. Most of what I will say will be way wrong, but at least I didn’t do a lot of research to be wrong.
1) This years NFL MVP will be Arizona Cardinals QB Kurt Warner. He keeps beating out Matt Leinart for the starting job. And last season he was the unquestioned starter for the second half of the season where he threw for as many yards and more TD’s than did Tom Brady. I say Warner leads the Cardinals to an 11 win season a berth in the playoffs and his 3rd MVP trophy.
2) The Dallas Cowboys will collapse like a house of cards and wind up missing the playoffs. As Giants/Yankees/Knicks/Rangers/Gamecocks fans I have some natural rivals that I am supposed to hate, but most of my hatred is directed solely at the Cowboys. Best stat ever to remind the millions of Cowboys fans out there; the last time they won a playoff game was 1996 under Barry Switzer (and for some context Bill Clinton hadn’t yet spewed on that fat girls dress). I think Pac-Man and TO will be at each others throats all year, Tank Johnson and his homies are bound to shoot up a Dallas night club and Tony Homo may start dating every celebrity he possibly can all at once..
3) The Kansas City Chiefs will win 13 games under Herm Edwards, and then he will give a big middle finger to everyone that doesn’t think he is a good coach. This is the man crush on Herm Edwards portion of these predictions.
4) Brett Favre will throw more TD’s than Brady and Peyton combined as he sets a new NFL record with 53 TD’ but the Jets still manage to only win 9 games an get into the playoff on a tie breaker that involves total points scored.
5) By the fifth game of the season Bill Parcells will be beside himself with his 0-5 Dolphins being coached by some guy I have never heard of, he will return to the sideline and lead them to the playoffs.
6) Kyle Orton will throw for over 4,000 yards and 35 TD’s as the Bears return to the playoffs. Orton’s performance so miraculous thus ends the career of the forlorn Rex Grossman.
7) The Bills put together a string on nine consecutive wins after their first loss in week 4. With 3 games remaining @ NY Jets, @ Denver and home against New England, Andrew vows he will hitchhike form Boston to Buffalo if the Bills finish with the best record in the league. WKTV 2 in Utica reports a lonely pale man wearing nothing but a Bills hat is seen thumbing for rides along Interstate 90.
8) The New England Patriots will remember that from 1970-1999 they were the laughing stock of the NFL compiling only eight 10+ win seasons (they have 6 this decade). After Tom Brady really hurts his shoulder in week 2, Matt Cassel comes in and leads them to no victories as they finish 1-15.
9) Eli Manning goes down early in the season and David Carr somehow leads the Giants back to the Super Bowl and wins. Next offseason the Giants are involved in the most tumultuous QB controversy ever.
10) The Browns reach the NFC Championship game for the first time since 1989. Their opponent, yeah that’s right, the Denver Broncos. With time winding down and the Browns going in for the go ahead score Jamal Lewis fumbles on the 3 yard live. In a driving snow Jay Cutler leads his team down the field and Rich Karlis, barefooted and all, comes out of the stands to his the game winning kick. The Broncos are off to the Super Bowl and the legend of Jay Cutler is born!!
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5 comments:
The Browns play in the AFC, but otherwise a flawless analysis.
Matt Cassel is a bum. They gave him the first team offense during the preseason and he couldn't get anything done. I think Mrs. D could pick up a few first downs in that offense - just throw the ball high 6 yards downfield and let Randy jump for it. Seriously, couldn't you see Clair out there slinging the ball up high to Randy, then occasionally dinking and dunking underneath to Welker, or audibling to the QB keeper when the defense starts to drop into coverage too often? Even if you can't see it, trust me on this, Moms D could run the Pats offense better than Matt Cassel
Obviously I made a typo since the Browns and Broncos are both in the AFC.
What do you think of the Bills 15-1preditction, they have a chance right?
The Bills have finished above .500 once since 2000 (9-7 in 2004). They haven't made the playoffs since 1999. Their QB's are Trent Edwards and JP Losman. Their leading receiver last year, Lee Evans, caught 55 balls for 849 yards. Their #2 WR to start the season is Josh Reed. He caught 51 balls for 578 yards last year. They had the #30 offense and the #30 passing offense. Out of 32 teams. So their offense is not good at getting yards or scoring points. Which is important in football. So their offense isn't good at football.
The defense was the bright spot, finishing #29 against the pass and #25 against the run. The defense isn't good at football either.
For the umpteenth year in a row, they drafted a short guy to play CB in the first round, a tall slow guy to play WR in the second round (from Indiana nonetheless - remember Thomas Lewis?), and a bunch of other guys from schools I either never heard of or that are good at basketball. Maybe former Hokey Chris Ellis will pan out. But the draft didn't thrill me.
I predict a 6-10 year for my beloved Bills, and that's a charitable prediction.
WHAT????????
Did you honestly predict a Tom Brady injury?
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