The Needle Report Cometh

Wow, I don’t even know what to say. My thoughts on this ridiculously over played subject are all over the place right now, but I will try and write something coherent here, but it will probably just be a jumble of thoughts.

First of all let me say that deep down I don’t really give a rat’s ass. Nothing in this “report” changes my opinion of a single player, team or era of time in major league baseball. If you put a gun to my head and say who is the greatest baseball player I ever saw I would still say Barry Lamar Bonds; the same goes for pitcher, I would still say William Roger Clemens.

Last night many of you received my text message that simply asked two questions;
What does this all mean? And can I now move on with my life? Here is a sampling of the responses I got back:

- They only left about 1500 names off the list.
- Pretty much to get the media tiger off their backs because he general public doesn’t seem to car.
- People did things! Things!
- We are still going to root for the Yankees when Pettitte is pitching. (ed. note: now that’s a true Yankee, you paying attention A-Rod)
- It means some guys may or may not have done something that wasn’t illegal at the time.
- It means a lot of people tell on others to make themselves feel good.
- No. No more life.
- It’s all bullshit.
- I am just hoping it means that I won’t have to hear about Vick anymore. I don’t know if you heard but he’s in jail. (obviously a jaded Atlanta sports fan…poor girl)

What do all these comments mean, well as Sonny in “A Bronx Tale” always would say, “Nobody cares.” And forever nobody has cared and what’s worse is after reading this flimsy “report” you almost have to care less.

Seriously, was this thing put together by a fifth grader? I have read things that I would believe more on the walls of gas station bathrooms than what is in this “report.” Where is the chain of evidence in this “report?” Of the 86 players named only 8 of them where ever actually seen doing anything. And Mitchell contends that this was an epidemic in MLB yet somehow in 20 months and over $20 million spent he could only extrapolate 86 names out of the 5,148 players that have appeared in the majors since 1985. Wow, your right Mitch that is an epidemic of 1.67% of players. Then there is the big name is all of this and that is Roger Clemens, boy they have some damning evidence on him. His trainer supposedly wrote out checks to Radomski, the star witness here and former Met’s clubhouse attendee turned drug peddler, for steroids. After that McNamee alledged he shot up Clemens with steroids, never saying anything about Andy Pettitte by the way. That’s it, that’s the sole evidence to convict Roger Clemens in the court of public opinion. What about poor Brian Roberts? Radomski alleges that at a lunch meeting with David Segui and Larry Bigbie that Bigbie said that Roberts said that he had tried steroids once or twice. Huh, are you fucking serious, there are rumors going around the halls of any high school in this country about who gave who a blowjob in the bathroom during 3rd period that are more true than the shit in this “report.” As Lionel Hutz the ambulance chasing lawyer of the town of Springfield in The Simpsons television show would say, “I have conjecture and hearsay, those are kinds of evidence.” That is exactly what the “Mitchell Report” is to me.

Here is some more food for thought, and I do love food. Why not spend all this time and money trying to prove some quantifiable results on how much steroids help a baseball player. Or even try and do some more research on the negative effects of the drugs on the human body so that we can maybe educate people about this problem. No, it is way better to just slander people so Bud Selig can feel better about himself. Speaking of old Bud, good job putting your little Red Sox henchmen out there to try and drag as many Yankees as he could through the mud. How many Red Sox players were named, one? Wow what a shocker that someone who is co-owner of the Red Sox would somehow try and nail Clemens to a wall as much as he possibly could. But what would you expect from a guy who was elected commissioner while he was still an owner himself. Imagine how baseball would prosper if they had some actually leadership?

And lastly, just for you Martin I was listening to the radio last night and they were interviewing Executive Vice President for Baseball Operations for Major League Baseball Bob Dupay (what title by the way, how does one get that on a business card) and he mentioned what do we tell the children? I almost swerved off the road, it didn’t even take 24 hours for someone to bring up that old clichéd line….please, won’t someone think of the children.