The fattest thing I've ever heard

I'm not proud of it, but as a married man with little control of the remote control when my wife is home, there have been times when I've been forced to watch what she says.


Sometimes that's a good thing, like my discovery of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Gilmore Girls with Lauren Graham's sexy ass and the hilarity that was Paris Gellar.


Other times, it's painful like when she watches American Idol, Degrassi the Next Generation or Instant Star on The N.com (Canadian TV for teens), old episodes of ER and 7th Heaven (although it's nice to see Jessica Biel grow into that body) and of course Oprah.

9 times out of 10, I can't stand Oprah but occasionally, she'll have something worth mentioning to the masses. Like yesterday's episode about morbidly obese people losing weight and the fat sow pictured below takes the cake, literally...

Check here if you don't believe me, but before she got down to a weight where she could walk down a flight of steps (and I wish it wasn't true so I could make fun of her fat ass for that...)

BTW, if I'm so fat that I can't get down a flight of steps in a burning building, then I don't think I deserve to live. Sorry, that's called survival of the fittest...

Anyway, Cathi was 530 pounds fat to the point that she ORDERED A THREE-TIER WEDDING CAKE WITH TWO FAKE NAMES, THEN ATE THE WHOLE THING WITH A GALLON OF MILK OVER TWO DAYS.

And that, my friends, is the fattest thing I've ever heard. Beats competing in a grilled cheese sandwich-eating contest, I'll tell you that much.