Yes, Yes, A Thousand Times Yes

Let's hope this is really, truly the end of it:

Favre retires

Remember, I didn't want him in the first place. And save for three or four games this year, he played like the washed up quarterback he was. Especially in December, when it mattered most.

New coach, new era, new quarterback.

At least he spared us the interminable drama of "will he, won't he." That's the second-most boring story in sports today, behind steroids.

So, goodbye, Favre. I never want to think about you in a Jets uniform again.

I Am Filled With Expletives And Not Much Else

Brett Favre is a Jet.

This would be great news if it was 1996.

Unfortunately, it is 2008. So this is the opposite.

The only thing that would make me happy right now is if the Packers signed Browning Nagle, for symmetry.

The only good news is that they didn't give that much up, I guess.

Am I supposed to say that I can't wait to watch him throw all those "adorable" interceptions that make him so endearing to people like Peter King?

Am I supposed to say that this is going to take the team to the Super Bowl when I know that it won't?

No. I'm supposed to say fuck a lot. Which is what I'm doing, believe me.

Fuck.

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 6

We are witnessing, in effect, the end of the Chad Pennington era.

Mangini, being the stubborn guy that he is, won’t make the change soon, as it’ll look like he’s bowing to media pressure. He’ll probably wait until after the bye week, or the last month of the season.

But I think we can say with confidence that this is the last year we’ll see #10 as the regular starting QB for the Jets.

Instead of constantly lamenting yet another lost season, I thought I’d revisit three of the best Jets QB seasons of my lifetime.

1986. Ken O’Brien. Completed 62% of his passes, 3,690 yards, 25 TDs, 20 INTs. This year included one of the best QB games ever, against Miami and Dan Marino. The Jets won that game 51-45. Kenny threw four TDs to Wesley Walker, and had 449 yards. I think it was around then that solidified my decision to be a Jets fan (thanks a lot for that, Kenny!) The Jets go 10-6, win a playoff game against KC, and then lose a memorable playoff game in OT to Cleveland.

1998. Vinny Testaverde. Completed 61.5% of his passes, 3,256 yards, 29 TDs, 7 INTs. I remember that summer being at my uncle’s house in California when I heard the Jets had signed Vinny. I was dazed, wandering around the back yard, mumbling “Vinny?” to myself. Oh, how I was wrong. After years of guys like Neil O’Donnell and past-his-prime Boomer Esiason and Browning Nagle and Ray Lucas and Glen Foley, it was a dream to have a real QB throwing real passes and giving us a real chance to win every week. The Jets go 12-4, destroy Jacksonville in the playoffs, and lead 10-0 at halftime in the AFC Championship game, only to lose 23-10 to Denver.

2002. Chad Pennington. Completed 69.2% of his passes, 3,120 yards, 22 TDs, 6 INTs. Chad was inserted as the starter on week 4, after the team started 1-2 and Vinny was looking way over the hill (and now he’s still throwing TDs, five years later. I bow before my Vinny overlord.) He lost his first couple of games, but showed promise. The Jets then went on a late-season surge, including huge blowout wins over New England (30-17) and Green Bay (42-17) to win the AFC East. They played the Colts in the playoffs, and had my single favorite game ever as a Jets fan, a 41-0 shellacking of Peyton Manning’s team. It was a perfect game, in which the Jets could do no wrong. They go on to lose to the Raiders in the next round.

Oh, Chad. There was so much promise for you after that year. We thought we had our QB of the next 10 years, leading us to playoff and eventual Super Bowl glory. Yet it was not to be, Chad, as you got yourself injured over (before the 2003 season) and over (during the 2004 season) and over (at the beginning of the 2005 season) again. And now it is abundantly clear that if there are to be meaningful victories in the Jets future, sadly it will not be with you at the helm.

So let us usher in a new quarterback. Let the Epoch of Kellen Clemens begin! Let all Jets fans dunk ourselves in cleansing waters, so that we may come out refreshed and renewed, with nothing but brightness and glory ahead.

Unless, of course, history repeats itself and we are shown promise yet are ultimately disappointed and left ragged and demoralized, still wandering the desert in search of the promised land with no Moses to guide us.

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 5

All I can say after this latest embarrassing Jets loss:

What a relief!

Now at least I don’t have to worry too much about the rest of the season, as it is effectively over.

Now I don’t have to fret about winning or losing every game. Now I don’t have to monitor the records of several other AFC teams to make sure that they’ll make it as a wild card team. Now I don’t have to be as maddeningly frustrated as the Patriots look to go undefeated.

Now I can afford to not watch a game or two if I don’t feel like it, especially if it’s not on TV in Chicago and I have to get my hung over ass out of bed to be in a bar by noon just to see it.

Now I don’t have to feel so guilty about wanting to see the Chad Pennington Era come to an end.

Now I don’t have to concern myself with ever getting too cocky or too used to having a good team, which I suppose could happen if the team actually had two consecutive good years. Now I don’t have to worry about ever being spoiled by success.

Now I can settle back into that familiar feeling of contempt, disgust, and general pessimism about the future that defines Jets fandom, which is much more comfortable.

What a relief!

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 4

The following post contains language not suitable for children and some sensitive adults.


After this weekend’s disgusting loss to the abysmal Buffalo Bills, I would less-than-politely ask the following people to please go fuck themselves:

Shaun Ellis. Dewayne Robertson. Kenyon Coleman. Bryan Thomas. Jonathan Vilma. Victor Hobson. Eric Barton. Darrelle Revis. David Barrett. Kerry Rhodes. Erik Coleman. C.J. Mosely. Sione Pouha. Eric Hicks. David Bowens. Brad Kassell. Cody Spencer. David Harris. Andre Dyson. Hank Poteat. Rashad Washington. Eric Smith. Mike DeVito. Drew Coleman. Abram Elam. Bob Sutton. Bryan Cox. Jim Herrmann. Mike Macintyre. Jerome Henderson. Dan Quinn. Eric Mangini.

And they can continue to go fuck themselves, and their mothers, if they continue to not be able to stop the most mediocre of offenses, and if they continue to give career days to the likes of Kyle Boller, Trent Green, and Trent Edwards.

Actually, they should all line up and let Jets fans punch each of them in the dick. Because that’s what they’re doing to us by making us watch them attempt to play what is known in the NFL as defense. And that’s what they’re going to do if Eli Manning has some kind of 26-29 3TD game next week.

So either go buy athletic protectors (for the dick punching) and a whole vat of lube (for the fucking of themselves and their mothers) or start tackling and covering people. Fuckers.

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 3

It was a beautiful Sunday in Chicago. Temperature in the high 70s, no humidity, clear blue skies.

So I figure what better day to go and sit down inside my favorite dark and smoky neighborhood bar to watch my favorite dark and smoky NFL team!

And I don’t just say that for effect – the New York Jets defense should change their name to the Burnt Toasts. The Singed Seven. The Eaten For Breakfast Eleven. The Wouldn’t Even Taste Better With Apple Butter Gang (and I think just about everything tastes better with apple butter, for serious.)

For most of the game, it was like there wasn’t even a defense out there. Ronnie Brown did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. 112 yards rushing, 99 yards receiving, 3 touchdowns. The New York Jets: Your Team’s Running Back Will Have His Career Best Day Against Them, Guaranteed!

Luckily, the offense and special teams decided to play like they had in fact done so before. And, luckily, they got to play the craptacular Miami Dolphins, led by Captain Vinegar-and-Water himself, Cam Cameron.

Leon Washington ran a kick back, and looked great when handed the ball. Thomas Jones and Chad Pennington did the thing everyone thought (and Jets fans hoped) they’d do this year, and led a balanced if conservative offensive attack.

Actually, there was this strange thing going on when the Jets had the ball. You’d have to forgive most Jets fans for looking out there and saying “Run-ning game? What is this run-ning game you speak of, for we have not seen such a thing in many an epoch.” But lo, there it was. A running back getting over 100 yards the old fashioned, hard nosed way. The running game actually outgaining the passing game.

So, luckily, they won. And, luckily, it seems just about everyone else in the AFC except for New England, Indy, and Pittsburgh aren’t overwhelming great, so they could still make the playoffs (only to eventually lose to New England, Indy, or Pittsburgh, but still.)

The consensus seems to be this: Glad to win, not convinced about this team at all. Certainly not if this is how the defense keeps playing. I agree wholeheartedly with the consensus this time around.

One things for sure, though: Marshawn Lynch is due for his best day as a pro next week. And I’m sure Trent Edwards will look like the second coming of Jim Kelly, and maybe the Jets will still win, but no one will be happy when its over.

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 2

It was your classic Godfather 3 game for the Jets.

“Just when I thought I was out….”

The team couldn’t have looked worse for the first three quarters. Kellen Clemens was beyond awful. He held the ball too long, he couldn’t read blitzes, he overthrew open guys, he got screen passes batted down. The Jets defense made Kyle Boller look like a real QB instead of the disaster he actually is (then again, this defense can make Joey Harrington look good, which they did last year.) Why does every guy have to have his career best against the Jets?

I was watching the game alone at this bar in Chicago. I was texting with my man Greg, lifelong Jets fan, who was watching the game at a bar in Seattle (oh, modern world!)

The gist of the text message conversation was:

DAN: I hate Kellen Clemens. I hate him.
GREG: Well, at least now we know he’s not the answer. Who do we draft next year?
DAN: I don’t even know. The guy from USC?
GREG: What about the guy from Louisville?
DAN: Whoever it is, he’s going to suck for us.

There was nothing to feel good about in the first three quarters, except that Nugent looked pretty good on the 50-yard field goal he hit in the first half. But as Greg said, “It’s pretty sad when your kicker is the best thing on the team.”


“…they pull me back in!”

All of a sudden in the fourth quarter, they start playing like a competent football team. The defense starts to make some stops. The offense makes some big plays, Thomas Jones hitting some holes, Clemens hooking up with Cotchery (who can really play.) They get the score to 20-13. They have enough time to get the ball back and a chance to score. We are in this thing. We have a chance.


Michael Corleone has a heart attack and slumps to the kitchen floor

We all know how this game ended. There were four key drops that killed their chances.

Most of the media only focused on three of the drops, the Coles one that was a tough catch but on his hands, and McCairens having two horrible ones including the last one that bounced off his hands in the end zone and into Ray Lewis’ to end the game.

The fourth drop was also huge, though. After they scored the touchdown to make it 20-13 they tried an onside kick. Nugent hit an absolutely perfect onside kick, as beautiful as I’ve ever seen. He hit the ball directly down off the tee and it bounced high up in the air about 10 or 11 yards away. Brad Smith jumps up with a perfect chance to haul it in, no one from the Ravens up there with him to get in the way. It bounces off his chest and the Ravens knock it away. If Smith catches that, they have great field position with 4 minutes left and a much better chance to score. But it was not to be.

So they were awful. Then they were great. But not great enough. Classic Jets game.

Now what do we know?

We know that Clemens can be a good QB once he gets some more experience. Unless that "holding on to the ball too long" thing is not a correctable problem. Then he will be a very injured QB.

We know that the team did this sort of thing last year in Week 2 against the Pats, and it was a sign of good things to come. This year, we’ll see if the signs of life are fleeting.

We know that their next two games are winnable against Miami and Buffalo.

We know they have to win them both or we know I’ll be thinking about the draft before Halloween.

We know this Miami game is going to be torture. Oh, such exquisite torture.

Filowitz's Friday Five

1) Do you think Roger Goodell feels cursed? Tagliabue retires and he gets to deal with Pacman, Vick, and now a paralyzed player and the Patriots spying thing. I'm pretty sure Tagliabue didn't have to deal with anything close to that in the last five years, let alone all in a six month span. Roger Goodell may want to consider going to Haiti and talking to some voodoo people. Soon.

2) All things considered, I'm more psyched for the Kellen Clemens Era than I was for, say, the Brooks Bollinger Experience or the Epoch of Ray Lucas.

3) Pandora.com Get up on some very cool internet radio. Free. You put in a song or artist you like, it plays you other songs or artists that are similar. Did I mention it's free?

4) The Greg Oden injury is really depressing. Really, anything that makes you think of Sam Bowie is depressing. Even if you're in the Bowie family.

5) In honor of the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, go eat some apples and honey. All of you, even the goyim. It symbolizes a sweet new year. And it's delicious.

Here Come The Warm Jets: Week 1

No one understands the real deal with this Jets game.

See, this was obviously all part of Mangini’s plan. He figured they can afford to lose one game. So why not lose a game really badly early on? That way, the expectations are super-low for the team. The guys don’t get too full of themselves. The Daily News isn’t putting them in the Super Bowl after week 2. This way he can have the team’s full attention, and get a lot of credit if the team looks remotely competent the rest of the year.

It’s the same lowered-expectation strategy they used for George W. Bush in 2000 when he debated Al Gore. And look what that did for W. Yeah, that’s it. Mangini is just coaching like Karl Rove runs political campaigns. Next thing Belichick gets accused of fathering a black baby in South Carolina. Ah, that Mangenius. Gotta love him.


Alright, delusional ranting over.

Let’s just get it out there: The Patriots kicked ass. Thoroughly and unquestionably.

Let’s also get this out there: This does not mean that the Jets are a horrible team. They got beat by the best team in the league. This will probably happen to most teams this year.

Generally speaking, I like what the coaching staff tries to do. They are well prepared, they pay attention to detail, and they come up with creative game plans specific to the opposition and designed to maximize what they can do given the talent on the team and the weaknesses of the other team.

Against the Patriots, two things are obvious:

1 – The Patriots don’t have many weaknesses.

2 – The Jets don’t have enough talent to maximize against a team this good. Especially on the offensive and defensive lines.

I’m not going to talk much about the fans booing Pennington (stupid, but they were getting embarrassed at home by their hated rivals, so what do you expect 70k drunk people to do?) or the Patriots getting accused of cheating (virtually irrelevant for a game like this.)

What it comes down to is that the Jets simply are not an elite team in the NFL. An elite team can not play their best and still have a chance to win (see the Chargers against the Bears, for example.) The Jets will beat teams they are supposed to beat. They will be competitive in the majority of games. But if they’re playing one of the elite teams, things have to go absolutely perfectly for them to even be in it.

That to me is the most frustrating thing. For the 20+ years I’ve been a Jets fan, the team has never been one of the elite teams in the league. Even in the best of years, like the 12-4 1998 version that went to the AFC championship game, they weren’t considered elite. I’d like that to happen in my lifetime. I want to know what it’s like to expect my team to win instead of expecting to be annoyed and cursing a lot on Sundays.

This year, I think they’ll be more competitive than they looked against the Pats. They’ll still win 8 to 10 games, and be in contention for the playoffs. But even if they make the playoffs, they won’t win the Super Bowl. They probably won’t even win a playoff game.

So it’s another year of waiting for another year. I’ll keep watching though. Jets fans are nothing if not masochistic.

NFL Preview, Part 1

Somehow, it’s already September. Which means the summer is winding down, the days are getting short, and I’ll soon start to once again question why I chose to live in a city that gets so freakishly freakin’ cold.

On the plus side, it means the dark days of sports are also coming to an end. Baseball playoffs are soon. Another basketball season approaches.

And, of course, the NFL begins.

The NFL is by far my favorite league to follow. The season is just the right length – not too long, like the other major sports, where each game is rarely significant. Cliché as it is, it is undeniably true that every week matters. And the playoff format is the most satisfying – it doesn’t last too long, and doesn’t allow too many teams in.

Too, the quality of play is such that there are very few uncompetitive games. Some people bemoan the fact that there aren’t the dominant teams like there were in the past, but I found that boring. Who wants to basically know how the season is going to end before it even begins? That’s how it felt with those 49er and Cowboys teams that won Super Bowls in the 80s and 90s. It’s better now – no one really knows who is going to win it. There are at least six teams that could make a really good case for it now, and another six to eight that could be right there if they get lucky. If about half the league can legitimately think it has a chance to win it all, that makes for a much more compelling experience.

Not to mention how fantasy football has changed the way people are engaged with the sport. That’s a whole other column completely (which would talk about it in terms of the dawning of the Information Age) but needless to say, having some kind of competitive stake in every game adds excitement (and just wait until the day they make sports gambling legal everywhere.)

We’re excited about the start of the NFL over here at The Sherman Avenue Block Party, is what I’m getting at. So we’re going to preview all the conferences right here, to get you as excited as we are.

Without further ado, the Sherman Avenue Block Party NFL Previews!


THE AFC NORTH

Oh, wait, I wanted to get you excited about the NFL. Maybe I shouldn’t have started with one of the more boring divisions to watch in the entire league. Oops.

This is a division full of questions. Will the Cleveland Browns ever field a competitive team again? How long before Brady Quinn sees the field? How will the Pittsburgh Steelers do in their first year with a young new head coach? Will Ben Roethlisberger bounce back from a rocky 2006 season? Can the Baltimore Ravens ever get an offense to go along with their talented defense? Will Steve McNair finally have one of his body parts actually fall off during a game? Can the Cincinnati Bengals ever get a defense to go along with their talented offense? Will there be one column about them that doesn’t make a joke about so many of them getting arrested?

Here’s my predicted answers to those questions:

Not soon. Probably by week 11 against Houston. Most likely pretty well, since they have plenty of talent. Yes, he will. With Willis McGahee they have a good chance. I’d bet yes. Not this year. Yes – this column.

My predictions in general:

If the Ravens can be at all competent on offense, they should be the best team in this division. They have consistency in their coaching, a still-dominant defense, and a talented running back in McGahee.

The Bengals and Steelers will be competitive, but they have a few too many flaws. The Bengals defense is still suspect, and it’s hard to know how the Steelers will respond to the new coach and the inconsistency that defined them last year.

The Browns will probably stink less than last year. But not by much. They just simply lack talent – look at their draft history for the last five years if you want to see a picture of incompetence. The sooner Brady Quinn can get some experience, the better off they’ll be for 2008.


THE AFC EAST

I will in no way pretend that I can objectively analyze the AFC East. For I am a fan of the New York Jets. A fan of the die-hard and somewhat obsessed variety, and have been since I was a kid.

Of course, I am not currently 13 years old, and I don’t wear a fireman hat, so I will not predict Jets 16-0, everyone else 0-16 (Jetz Ruuule!) And, frankly, no true Jets fan is ever optimistic, even as a child.

The Jets will most definitely be a frustrating team to watch. As always. Just like chocolate milkshakes, which I too love, they will give me plenty of heartburn and indigestion to go along with my enjoyment.

To start with, they significantly improved the running game with the addition of Thomas Jones. The receivers, Coles and Cotchery, are better than average. Kerry Rhodes is a great young safety, and should make the Pro Bowl. The early draft choices, Darrelle Revis and David Harris, look like they’ll contribute right away on defense.

But this year’s team has a lot of questions on their lines, offensive and defensive. What it all boils down to is this: if they can protect Chad Pennington, they will win more games then people expect. Pennington can be great, but not under pressure. He needs to have time to make reads and throw to the right place. If he’s being rushed and being hit a lot, he tends to turn the ball over. They also need to get significantly better stopping the run on defense, and I’m not sure the guys they have on the line are equipped to do it in this 3-4 defense they employ.

As for the rest of the division, it is still the New England Patriots’ to lose, as much as it pains me to say so. They made a big splash in the offseason getting Adalius Thomas and a brand new receiving corps (Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, and Wes Welker.) They still have Tom Brady, and a very good defense. And of course their head coach, Bill Belichick, he of the three Super Bowl rings.

Yes, they have some questions, with a second-year guy as their running back and without Richard Seymour and Rodney Harrison for the first half of the season. If honesty prevailed, though, it’s hard to see what team keeps them from going far in the playoffs this year (unless, say, something horrible were to happen to Brady or Belichick, which I would never wish on them, because to wish fiery death and disease and pestilence on your opponents is beneath someone as classy as myself.)

The Buffalo Bills strike me as a team that will do better than people think. The offense started to come into its own last year, with J.P. Losman finally looking like a real starting QB. Losing McGahee will hurt them, but everyone seems to love their rookie Marshawn Lynch, and for what looks to me like good reason. They’re still pretty young, especially on defense, but it wouldn’t be a huge shock to me to see them at 7-5 going into the last month of the season fighting for a playoff spot.

The Miami Dolphins should be absolutely awful. And it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy in new coach Cam Cameron (see my post below.) I sincerely hope they become the laughingstocks of the league. Looking at their depth chart, I’d say that it’s a distinct possibility.


As a note to our readers, I will be doing plenty of Jets blogging throughout the season. None of that will be nearly as rational as I tried to make this preview.

The rest of the divisions will have previews posted this week. Stay tuned!